Learning to Live in Liminal Space

Synthesis Statement: Sessions 1-5

October 2025 — February 2026

Recognizing the Polycrisis

This program is available to anyone, but it will likely resonate most with those who feel a calling — people deeply troubled by the polycrisis unfolding in the world and wondering how they might help. Not merely to observe or cope, or simply optimize what sits within their own circle of influence, but to help steward something genuinely better. That sense of calling becomes the entry point. It is also, in many ways, the first practice: saying yes to a path whose destination is not yet visible.

The world we are asked to face is real, and in many ways it is dire. Ecocide. The human-driven disruption of the climate. An unstable and concentrating global economy. The erosion of civility. The weakening of democratic institutions and the rise of autocracy. These are not distant abstractions. They are the living conditions of our moment. The uncertainty circles not around whether the Old Story is ending, but around how it will unravel and over what time.

What does the world look like 10, 25, 50, or 100 years from now? As artificial intelligence displaces entire categories of work, as climate change reshapes the face of the planet, as wealth and power consolidate in new and intensifying ways, these questions are not rhetorical. They hang in the air. They are the reason this work matters.

The complexity of these problems exceeds our capacity to solve them on our own. We must admit that hubris helped bring us to where we are and allow humility to guide us forward. While science works hard to find solutions, will it reverse climate change quickly enough? Will we find a way to halt species loss? Will our concern for ourselves individually allow us to see past ourselves and care for others? For marginalized communities? The world’s poor? 

Yet, the deepest truths of the world's mystical traditions remain the same. Stay humble. Stay open. Rumi writes: Be helpless, dumbfounded, unable to say yes or no. Then a stretcher will come from grace to gather us up…When we are able to make friends with that beauty, we shall become a mighty kindness. Jesus pointed out the difficulty for the self-sufficient man getting into paradise being comparable to a camel threading the eye of a needle. We need to be open, to be humble, and to be willing to receive help. 

Practice as Foundation

And so, in this program we practice. Daily. We commit to some sort of spiritual engagement. Prayer. Meditation. We find music that inspires. We find and create poetry and art. We write. We create community. We transmit and receive transmission. These practices are not decorative. They are the means by which we shift our interior space so that we can better face and serve the exterior world.

Through this work we begin to recognize something uncomfortable: the Old Story is not only out there, in governments and corporations and markets. It is deeply entrenched in our way of life. It is the story most of us were raised inside. It shapes our instincts about time, productivity, sufficiency, and control. The interior reckoning and the exterior reckoning are inseparable.

To move away from the Old Story we must begin, slowly, to detach from it. Not through rejection or rage, but through a conscious stepping away. We ground ourselves in a space that allows us to see the dying old clearly, to live among its institutions, and yet not be enveloped by it. We give it no heart. Only our witness, our grief for those harmed by it, and our energy directed toward what may come next.

The New Story and Its Seven Qualities

If the Old Story is ending, what replaces it?

The program suggests that the New Story cannot be built simply by opposing the old. The more we focus our attention on what is dying, the more power we inadvertently give it. Instead, we are invited to become a seedbed for what is emerging, placing our attention, imagination, and effort into what is life-giving.

Seven foundational qualities help orient that emerging story:

1. Respecting women and feminine principles

2. Respecting the land as sacred

3. Time no longer seen as linear

4. Non-hierarchical dynamics of power and control

5. Communities of all types

6. Oneness

7. Love

These qualities are not inventions. They represent the recovery of wisdom that has long existed in indigenous traditions, spiritual teachings, and the natural patterns of life itself. Their suppression has caused profound harm. Their recovery opens the possibility of healing.

As the program reminds us: Through it all will run the axis of love, from the center of the Earth to the center of the cosmos, present in every cell of creation.

Each of these qualities names both a place where the Old Story has failed us and a direction toward something more whole.

Stepping into Liminal Space

The program then turns toward one of its central teachings: liminal space.

Liminal space is the threshold, the space between what was and what will be. The terrain of transition. A sacred space. 

To enter liminal space is to consciously step away from the Old Story without yet having arrived in the New. This can feel disorienting. Our culture trains us to rush through uncertainty, to fill the unknown with activity and noise. This program asks something different: to dwell in the in-between.

From this vantage point we gain perspective.

When we make the subject the object, when we can look at the Old Story rather than only looking from inside it, its hold on us begins to loosen. We gain autonomy. We gain agency. We can live within the institutions of the old world without being captured by them.

Reflecting on this idea raises an interesting question:

Are we ever truly outside liminal space?

Once we loosen our attachment to certainty, life itself begins to appear as a continuous threshold, always unfolding between what has been and what may yet become.

To remain steady there requires practice. The simple orientation the program offers captures the posture well:

Witness
Grieve
Pray
Act

These four movements offer a way of orienting ourselves to the great challenges of the world. They describe a posture toward suffering and transformation. But they do not describe the texture of ordinary living.

For that, the practice of mindfulness, of stillness, of presence become essential. These allow us to inhabit each moment with awareness rather than reactivity. They are the ground from which witnessing becomes possible and from which compassionate action can emerge.

In some ways this is not unlike exercise or healthy eating. At first the effort can feel unnatural, even forced. But with time the body begins to recognize what is good for it. What once felt difficult begins to feel normal, even necessary. The longer we fall away from those practices, the harder it is to return. From the inside, though, it becomes clear that this way of being is simply the healthier place to live.

Witnessing, grieving, praying, and acting offer a way of responding to the world. Mindfulness and presence offer a way of inhabiting it.

Witnessing

Witnessing, we have seen, is a tool we use to allow ourselves to separate from the old. It allows us to recognize the pathologies, the hubris, the maladies, the corruption, the destruction — what the Buddha summarized simply as the suffering that emerges from the old story.

As we come into liminal space and allow ourselves to witness, we create that separation for ourselves. Not to dismiss reality, but to ground ourselves in a larger perspective.

Witnessing allows us to see and know much more, precisely because we realize we do not actually have to hold everything we see. We do not have to carry it. It is not ours. Or rather, it no longer needs to be.

And so the question arises: what do we do with what we witness? What do we do with tragedy?

We grieve.

Grieving

Grieving allows us to process the tragedy of the Old Story. It allows us to objectively see and understand it. It allows us to own our own participation in it and then let it go.

We must make peace with our shadow. We must make peace with our tragedy. We must make peace with our mistakes in order to move forward.

And so we grieve.

We grieve for the loss of what we love. We grieve for parts of ourselves and our communities that will never know full flourishing. We grieve for the losses and sorrows of the world. We grieve for what we expected but never received—for unconscious disappointment, loneliness, and a diminished experience of self. And we grieve for the unacknowledged and untended sorrow of those who came before us, for whom we can no longer help in any direct way.

Grieving opens the heart. If we allow it, it opens us to communion. One person’s grieving becomes everyone’s grieving. The more we allow for witnessing and grieving, the more we reconnect with our innocence and our deeper intentions, the more we allow ourselves to move toward love.

Operating from a place of love reshapes the world.

That is the basis of the New Story. A world created from love, from a sense of communion and oneness. From there hierarchy begins to soften. Time loosens its grip. The land is understood again as sacred. Masculine and feminine come back into balance. Communities begin to form around care rather than control.

Life begins to emerge in a more organic and unforced way.

And that emergence is seeded in liminal space, once we separate ourselves from the Old Story and choose to live differently.

---

If this reflection has been of value, you’re welcome to support the time and care that go into this work.

→ Contribute

Grieving in Liminal Space

Following Session 5: Grieving in Liminal Space

February 10, 2026 — March 10, 2026

Synthesis Statement

This session helped us expand into a broader perspective of living in liminal space. The previous period was about witnessing, but many of us struggled with a metaphor about looking at the chaos and destruction of the dying old story as though you were standing in the next room. For many of us, it just felt passive, helpless, complicit even. Bill empathized with our struggle, valued the work we were doing, and recognized this to be a challenge of the course format as well. Living well in liminal space is a four-fold embodiment of Witness - Grieve - Pray - Act. We had only covered witnessing so far, and thus felt stuck, but witnessing does not occur in a vacuum. In this next session, by opening to Grieving in liminal space, we were able to better integrate witnessing as part of a process and not as a fixed act.

Bill also shared that the goal of the ‘other room’ metaphor is to help one stay grounded amidst the chaos. We can see and understand that all of this is happening, and maybe even begin to better understand why, when we are not feeling the ground falling from under our feet.

Thus, we moved into grieving.

We took time to consider those in all of creation who might be ‘crying’. We thought of those marginalized populations, the poor, the sick, the helpless, we thought of the plants and animals near extinction, we thought of the ignorant who knew no better. We felt their tears. We took time to grieve.

We spent time deepening our understanding of grief. One of the great values of grief is that it touches and honors something that is holy, something that is sacred. And that, that holy, that sacred, that is something we all have in common. The whole of creation shares that which is sacred. The more we can open to our shared grief > the more we can open to the sacred > the more we can open to one another > the more we can collectively heal.

We acknowledged that grief softens the heart, and that by feeling it, we are able to stop carrying it alone. Because of this, it is essential and healthy to grieve together so that all may understand how to do so. Grieving needs to become a habit. We need to share lamentation. This work needs to become public, so we all may move on.

When we hold grief unto ourselves, it can harden us, which ultimately contracts us away from others, away from community, which then further reduces connection and support to and from one another. We need the opposite. Grieving needs to be public. Shared. The more we grieve together, the more human we can become, and the better we will grow and evolve together.

I found myself wondering: Is there an official shared day of grieving? Should there be? What would it mean to publicly acknowledge lament as part of civic life?

Witness (the end of the old story)
Grieve (for the pain associated with endings)
Pray (for those in pain)
Act (for the good of all)

Report on Practice 

Grieving in the World

This period I tried to pay particular attention to grieving – for elements in my personal life as well as for events in the world. I saw our country engage in more wars: military, cultural, and class. We bombed Iran. Kansas rendered all transgender people’s driver’s licenses immediately invalid. No runway, immediately effective. We watched ongoing deep federal cuts and eligibility tightenings to Medicaid, SNAP, and ACA marketplaces, reforms that analysts say are reducing social-safety-net support for millions of low-income families and projecting income gains mostly for the wealthiest earners.

 The Bowl of Tears

In the session, we had a ‘bowl of tears’. An assignment we had was to find an opportunity, a location where we felt the world needed to soften its hardening a bit and to open to grieving and a new story a bit more. Perhaps it was a political institution, perhaps a location of a symbol of some sort. There, we should perform a ritual of sorts, and pour the bowl of tears there. I decided to pour the tears over myself. I wanted to open myself up even more. I felt hardened from my own past experiences. I felt I could do a better job of loving, of hearing, of holding, of being compassionate.

I slowly poured the tears. Some over my head. I drew lines across my forehead, down the center of my face, under my eyes, touched my cheeks. I poured a bit over each shoulder, onto the back of my neck, and the rest over my heart. I prayed that my heart would open and that my actions, my speech, my writing, my intentions, my life would serve to help spread compassion, to be where I need to be when I need to be there, so that I may be of service.

Then I took a warm shower, because those tears were really cold. :)

Dead Poets

I meet with a small group of people who have recently lost loved ones. We call ourselves a Dead Poets Society. I found our most recent meeting particularly related to our New Story Community for two reasons. One because of how this period was a reflection on grieving, and two, because of a topic that arose. I found myself sharing a story that was very much my Old Story. I don’t know why, I just felt like I had to share it. I think in part I was nervous and it was familiar; in part I just felt like I needed others to hear it so I could let it go. I guess I needed witnesses, and others to help share the grief for a moment. And they did. And the next day, I almost felt bothered, embarrassed even, that I had recounted the story because it was not my current story. It was my past. It was not where I am now, it is where I was. But for some reason, I could not be where I was in that moment. I was trapped in the past. Still looking for a way to get grounded in the present. I was, in that moment, in the room, not in the next room looking back.

Or maybe I was starting to look back and not quite yet realizing I was separating.

Facing Reality: Buechner

I have been reading The Sacred Journey by Frederick Buechner and found a passage particularly powerful. In a matter of just two paragraphs, he shared three profound (to me) insights.

Buechner’s father had recently died, and his mother was going to take her kids to Bermuda for a bit to live and grieve. His grandmother urged them “to stay and face reality…because if you do not face up to the enemy in all his dark power, then the enemy will come up from behind some dark day and destroy you.” Face reality. Don’t run from it. There is a necessary hardening that keeps you grounded.

But then Buechner cautions against hardening yourself too completely: “to do for yourself the best that you have it in you to do–to grit your teeth and clench your fists in order to survive the world at its harshest and worst–is, by that very act, to be unable to let something be done for you and in you that is more wonderful still. The trouble with steeling yourself against the harshness of reality is that the same steel that secures your life against being destroyed secures your life also against being opened up and transformed by the holy power that life itself comes from. You can survive on your own. You can grow strong on your own. You can even prevail on your own. But you cannot become human on your own.” This is about internal transformation. You have to stay permeable enough to let something holy work in you. The steel that protects can also prevent you from becoming more fully yourself.

Buechner finishes this section: “Surely that is why, in Jesus’ sad joke, the rich man has as hard a time getting into Paradise as that camel through the needle’s eye because with his credit card in his pocket, the rich man is so effective at getting for himself everything he needs that he does not see that what he needs more than anything else in the world can be had only as a gift. He does not see that the one thing a clenched fist cannot do is accept, even from [God] himself, a helping hand.” This is something different from the second insight, though related. It isn’t only about being open to transformation. It’s about relational receiving, the willingness to depend on something beyond yourself. Community. God. One another. The open hand.

Not three steps, but three facets of the same truth. They cycle back on one another. You cannot fully receive without first facing reality. You cannot be transformed without opening your hand. And the open hand, over time, softens the steel.

Olympia Testimony

This period I also found a few opportunities to Witness > Grieve > Pray > Act. Perhaps the most outstanding, and most novel for me was traveling to our State capitol to testify before the House. I had seen a Senate Bill making its way through the legislature that was relevant to the death of my daughter. Passing the bill would enable the mobilization of coordinated resources to locate missing persons who are in a mental health crisis or actively suicidal. This bill would protect folks with autism, dementia, and others who might be lost and otherwise hard to locate.

So, I brought my wife and son, and we went to Olympia, sat before the House Committee on Community Safety, and told them the importance of making such resources safely available for rapid response.

What stayed with me afterward wasn’t the testimony itself. It was my son, sitting there, watching how this all works. Seeing the capitol. Understanding that real people show up and tell hard truths and try to make things better. I was glad he saw that. I was glad my community knew I was there.

The grief did not stay inside. It moved into the world.

And for the record, sometimes good enough ends up being good enough. I had written a three-minute statement. It was polished. It was measured. It was concise. Others called it powerful. It said all it needed to without fluff. When the session began, the Chair cut testimony time to ninety seconds. As the hearing progressed, they shortened it again to sixty just before the bill was called. I had to improvise on the fly. My testimony was no longer polished. It wasn’t perfect. It was simply what I could offer in the moment. Despite the interior chaos I felt, the Chair thanked me for my testimony and remarked that this bill, if passed, would become part of my daughter’s legacy. And my wife and son had a chance to hear that too. My son heard that acting matters. That showing up matters. That telling the truth, even imperfectly, matters.

---

If this reflection has been of value, you’re welcome to support the time and care that go into this work.

→ Contribute

Grief as Learning: A reflection on The Grieving Brain

In the wake of a death—especially an unforeseen one—we search for answers. Why did this happen? How? What could have been different? Often the mind searches even when there are no answers to be found.

I didn't read The Grieving Brain until nearly two years after I lost my daughter. Even so, I found it deeply validating. It helped me make sense of experiences I had already lived through but didn't yet have language for. A friend recommended it after her own profound loss, and she too found it useful in navigating the disorienting territory that grief creates.

Mary-Frances O'Connor is a clinical psychologist, neuroscientist, and professor at the University of Arizona. The book reflects that background—at times academic, but consistently humane. She distinguishes grief from depression, explains why yearning is not pathology, and shows how attachment is not merely emotional but physiological. We quite literally build our lives, and our nervous systems, around the people we love.

At the heart of the book is a deceptively simple idea: the brain is a learning machine. More specifically, it's a predictive machine, constantly anticipating what will happen next based on past experience. This works remarkably well—until it doesn't.

How the Brain Maps Relationships

O'Connor explains that when we form deep attachments, our brains learn that certain people exist here, now, and close. Even when a loved one is not physically present—at work, traveling, living across the country—we still carry a stable internal map of their existence. They are part of the world our brain expects to encounter.

That map does not update instantly when someone dies.

A familiar example helps. If you always place your keys in the same spot when you come home, your hand reaches there automatically. One day, distracted, you put them in your coat pocket and hang the coat in the closet. The next morning, your hand still reaches for the old place. The brain is not broken—it's doing what it has learned to do.

Grief works the same way, only the discrepancy is far more painful.

The brain continues to predict the presence of the person who has died. Each time reality contradicts that prediction, it hurts. Not metaphorically—neurologically. O'Connor frames grief as the repeated correction of a deeply learned expectation. This is why grief can feel so disorienting, even when we consciously know what has happened. Knowledge and learning are not the same thing. Unlike depression, which flattens experience, grief is marked by yearning—the continued pull toward someone who is no longer there.

When my daughter died, I experienced this painfully and clearly. In the months before her death, she had been traveling across the country. We weren't in close proximity, and we communicated only intermittently. After she died, those surface conditions were the same: she wasn't physically with me, and we weren't texting or talking in any given moment. My brain's map had not yet caught up to the deeper truth—that she would never again be here, now, and close in the way it expected.

My conscious mind knew this immediately. My brain did not. Each time the discrepancy surfaced, it hurt.

The most important takeaway from this is simple, but not easy: the brain needs time. Time to unlearn an old map. Time to build a new one. The pain is not a failure of healing—it is the healing process itself.

O'Connor offers an image I found helpful. Imagine walking through your home in the dark, used to brushing past a table in a particular place. If the furniture is suddenly rearranged, you immediately notice the absence. You may even question whether you're in the right room. Eventually, though, you learn the new layout. The room still works. Life still works. But the learning takes time.

For me, part of that learning involved realizing that my relationship with my daughter had to change—not end, but change.

Discovering the Scripts

I knew rationally that she was gone. I knew I would never again exchange looks, jokes, or hugs, or watch her become the person she was so beautifully becoming. But I also knew I would never forget her. Which meant the relationship itself was not disappearing—it was transforming. I just didn't know what that meant yet.

I noticed that most nights, as I was falling asleep, I was running the same internal script: I love you. I miss you. I'm so sorry. Over and over. The words were sincere. They were also static. I realized that if I kept repeating the same script, my brain had no new information with which to learn. I was reinforcing longing without offering a path forward.

So I made a conscious decision to interrupt the script.

Instead of speaking only from sadness, I began to invite different forms of connection. I intentionally recalled memories. I noticed moments in the present that she would have found funny or beautiful. I tried to experience joy with her, rather than only grief for her. This did not erase the loss—but it did allow my brain to begin building a new map, one that was less constantly jarring.

This, I think, is where agency quietly enters the grieving process. Not in forcing ourselves to "move on," but in gently offering the brain new experiences to learn from.

The Role of Mindfulness

The other major lesson I took from the book—one that reinforced practices already present in my life—was the importance of mindfulness. I've meditated on and off for more than twenty years, and I believe this helped me notice the scripts I was running in the first place. Mindfulness didn't make the grief go away. It changed my relationship to it.

One of the most painful patterns in grief is the endless chain of what-ifs. What if I had done this. What if I had said that. What if, what if, what if. These thoughts arise without warning, and early on they can feel inescapable. But they don't lead anywhere except deeper pain.

Mindfulness offers a different option. Not suppression, and not avoidance, but recognition. When a thought arises, we can notice it. Feel it. And then, if we choose, not follow it. Over time, this becomes a capacity. The thoughts still come—but they no longer carry us away from the present moment every time they appear.

The goal is not to stop thinking. The goal is to avoid being endlessly dragged by thought. Meditation, as unglamorous as it may seem, is a kind of medicine. And like most medicine, it works best when practiced before we're desperate for it.

What the Book Offers

There is far more in The Grieving Brain than I've captured here, and I would recommend it to anyone—whether grieving now, supporting someone who is, or simply wanting to understand how deeply human attachment really is. The book does not promise relief. What it offers instead is orientation.

Grief is not a malfunction. It's the brain doing its best to learn a world that has been irrevocably changed. Understanding that doesn't remove the pain—but it can make the pain feel less lonely, less frightening, and less wrong.

---

If this reflection has been of value, you’re welcome to support the time and care that go into this work.

→ Contribute